Monday, May 11, 2009

what lies on the other side...

So right now I'm in a situation that I want to get out of but I'm terrified of what lies on the other side of the get away. I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready to settle down, but not settle. I want it all and I feel I deserve it. Simultaneously I don't want to trade one set of problems/flaws for another.
Current set of problems: insecurity, cheapassness, non-listener, unsupportive, just to name a few. But I could possibly mold this lump of clay into something close to what i want, BUT who has the time or patience it takes to mold... I want something finished, complete, who only needs a complimentary vase or bowl to make the look make sense.
On a side note, I know I am not where I need to be, physically, mentally nor spiritually. So instead of trading problems I need to truly focus on me. Figure me out, be the best woman I can be, stop being so damn lazy, workout, go to church, eat right, do all the things I have been putting off. IT IS TIME. Maybe after I'm there or while I'm on my path to self discovery, someone will come along and make it make sense for me. What the hell do I have to lose. I can only gain! And I am worth it.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Lost on a Road to 30

So I'm embarking on my 28th birthday(ugh) and I'm feeling rather unenthusiastic! "I'm getting old" is becoming my new catch phrase and I'm over it. I know that 28 is not "old" by far but I have so many anxieties about it! There are so many goals that I thought I would have accomplished by now and I feel miles and miles away from my destiny. Also I have no idea what I want to do professionally. I have millions of ideas but no idea how to execute them nor the funds. I know that I am a creative person and I should be doing "something" creative, but what that is I have ABSOLUTELY no clue! I'm constantly doubting myself and my talents and I'm not sure where that stems from... it's a complete mystery. I pray every day and night for direction and I still feel lost...
On top of this I'm getting pressure from my 'Folks' to get married and have kids! That's toooooo much for me to deal with! I'm entirely too selfish right now to even consider the thought of having children, I need to get me and my wants out of the way first.
I just never thought I'd be that 28 year old woman that everybody is asking "What's Dante' up to, I can't believe she's not married"
Honestly I KNOW in my heart that there is something special in me, I've felt it all my life but I just want to bring it out!

"Paging the Fabulous Dante', please come to life, your party is waiting!"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

"Is this real life"

This is one of the funniest youtube clips I've ever come across!!! Apparently he is still high off the anesthesia! Fucking hilarious!!! oh and peep how homie sits up and screams for no damn reason...ha! Classic.